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Imagine lying on the floor of a Cantonese girl's apartment, head cradled in your hands, streaming sweat in the summer heat, and explaining to her that you are having a PTSD related panic attack and need to leave *right now*, but that it isn't her fault, using the simple Mandarin vocabulary that you both know while trying not to scream in fear. Add to this that she is neurotic, paranoid, and self-centered, and you're both in your underwear.

That was me, uh, 30 minutes ago.

Right now I'm just trying to deal with all the emotions -- not to mention trying to find a place to sleep -- of running away from a very hurtful fling (on both sides) and the worst PTSD attack I've had in a long time. The good news is that I'm not broke (yet) and that I have a train ticket out of this god-forsaken city (Guangzhou) tomorrow. The bad news is, well, everything else.

I'll let you know again when I come up for air.

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There are 16 comments on this entry. (Reply.)

Well, while I've hardly been in that exact situation, I can certainly empathize regarding the panic attack, and I can only imagine how much worse it is with a language barrier. It's hard enough to communicate about an attack without a language barrier... I hope getting out of Guangzhou helps...

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Thanks for your note. It means a lot to me.

I think that getting away from the situation and back into Mandarin speaking territory will help a lot. If not, well, I have enough money for a plane ticket home.

yrs--
--Ben

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Good Lord, I'm sorry. I wish there was some way I could lend a hand, but--well, I hope things get better.

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Good luck, Ben.

MW

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Matt--

Thanks. It means a lot.

Also, I want to register that, at some point in the future, I'd like to talk to you about disabilities, if you feel up to it.

yrs--
--Ben

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Yes, definitely.

M

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Best of luck, Ben. I can empathize.

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Hope things work out.

Be well.

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Duibuqi.
Wo zhaobudao shenme shuo...

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Sending psychic good-luck and be-well vibes. Wish there were more that I could do.

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Eeep! Feel better!

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Yo. That is a shitty, shitty place to be, man, and I hope you leave it soon in a more than physical sense. We're all with you, man, even if we're not actually present. I'll be thinking about you.

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Sometimes I think that we haven't really lived in a place until we've LIVED in a place - until something horrible or wonderful but nonetheless extremely memorable has happened. Having strong emotions is what being alive is really about.

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

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Hope you can come up for air soon and feel better.

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Good luck...good luck.

I don't even know enough Chinese to give anything worth saying. Just good luck.

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Good luck, Ben.

BTW, I have a friend in your neck of the woods -- a foreign correspondent who's been there for a long time. Email me at my aol address if you'd like me to put you in touch with him.

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benlehman

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