(no subject)

[benlehman]

So I haven't written a lot here recently. Here's why:

I hand-delivered a copy of Polaris to a great fellow here in Helsinki who, I guess, is a bit of a fan of mine. Anyway, he reads this journal, and made reference to some stuff that I'd done recently.

And damned if that didn't feel wierd. I mean, not that it was anything really personal, it just felt wierd to talk to this guy I just met about things I'd done in the past. It felt way too intimate for a first meeting.

When I started this journal, I made a point of making every post public, because I want to lead a life that is by and large without secrets and obfuscations. I have violated this rule only a few times, for very personal reasons. Ideally, I would like anyone who cares to know about me to know about me.

But, also, there are a lot more people reading this than just my circle of friends and family now. I have published a book and, like it or not, that makes me sort of a public figure. I don't know if I want everything in my life to be a matter of public record if people are actually going to read about it.

So I'm trying to decide between:
1) change my writing in this journal to mostly sanitized things that I don't mind total strangers reading.
2) move most everything to friends-lock, thus locking out a lot of people who I'd like to be able to read the journal from reading it.

Thoughts?

Comments

[unrequitedthai.livejournal.com]

There is the intermediate option I use, of friedns-locking particular posts such that specific subsets of your friends have access to them, but generally posting publically; I find it useful.

[crnixon.livejournal.com]

Ben,

Do what I do: make most everything public (that won't get you in trouble, like job-related stuff for me), but then be explicit with people: if you know me in real life, I don't want to talk face-to-face about what I post online. Imagine it's two different people.

Because, yeah, I hate that. When someone I know reads my weblog and brings it up over dinner: arghy-argh-argh.

[chgriffen.livejournal.com]

It really is a fascinating issue that personal blogs have created. I know exactly what you mean; it's strange to think that there are people out there whom I've never talked to, and yet if I did, they'd know about my family, my dreams and aspirations, and my rants, while I may not know a thing about them.

As a counter-example, I've never met Vincent nor talked to him other than on his blog or the Forge, but I've read through his site extensively... including his older stuff on what it's like to grow up Mormon and so on. It was just very interesting stuff. Now I have this weird feeling that I *know* him as I know a friend, even though he barely knows anything about me in return and we've never really talked. That's what putting your life out there for other people to read will do.

Interestingly, it's a phenomenon that celebrities are familiar with. Their lives are public, and when they meet people on the street, those people often know a lot about them and act as if they're mutual friends.

Now, as to what to do about it, it depends on how much it bothers you. I friends-lock entries that I think are too personal for just anyone to see, and I don't have a big friends list. But if it was entirely too personal, why would I post it at all? So some things I keep to myself. Others I put out there for people to see, and I don't mind them knowing those things about me.

So my suggestion is to go that way--make a judgment call on each entry individually rather than sanitizing or completely locking your journal.

[judd-sonofbert.livejournal.com]

Ben,

When I was in Japan I wrote a short story every week. In hindsight, I am glad that I didn't have a blog then, because I would have blogged and the pieces would have been less complete. Odd, that.

Anyway, I sent them out to family and friends and the circle of who read them grew and grew.

I am still finding that people know things about me and I have no idea how they found out about it until they remind me that I wrote it in those stories, one each week for a year, 52 in all. Its an icky, odd feeling.

I hear ya.

But if you are going to write in this thing, that's the price.

If you are going to post something that you don't want everyone to read, I'd just make it Friends Only.

Good luck on the book tour.

Sidenote: I explained the way the key words in Polaris work with my girlfriend and she was really impressed. I'm hoping for a game with her and Jeff and Julie (Jeff's wife) in the coming months. Rock.

Judd

[evilmagnus]

Stop delivering games to freaky Finlanders?

That's trite, but you're not in a unique situation, and it has nothing to do with Polaris. It's been around for decades. And that situation is this:

people you meet on teh intarwebs are often a little weird. Use caution.

Now, when people start cosplaying as 'Ben Lehman', then you have problems.

[taranhero.livejournal.com]

Somehow I thought you were going to solve this already by moving all your gaming stuff to your other journal?

[pjack.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. You have fans. Now what?

The discomfort that you feel when a random stranger knows all about you because they read your blog? That seems pretty common for anyone with a fan base. Your options seem to be to either get over it, or to turtle up.

Frankly, I'd advise you to try and deal with it. If for no other reason than turtling up would probably hurt your sales. People like authors who seem to be open and accessible. (That's why I read Neil Gaiman's blog. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/officialgaiman/)) I agree with the common advice here: friends-lock the really private stuff, and keep blogging publicly otherwise.

(As for your friends without LJ accounts: I have no idea. You could just e-mail them the text of your post. Perhaps someone more tech-savvy than I might have a better solution?)

And finally, this is probably obvious to you, but in case it isn't:

Never write down anything you wouldn't want made public some day.

Accounts can be hacked; diaries can be stolen. Nothing written down is ever really secret.

[yeloson.livejournal.com]

Hi Ben,

I'd recommend starting another LJ and only let the folks who you want reading it, know. Email them privately. You can either keep this one light, or drop it entirely. That way those without LJ accounts can still read, but people you don't know aren't likely to track it down.

[locke61dv.livejournal.com]

I had two posts on a separate blog, about privacy:

http://blog.forgreatjustice.net/articles/2005/08/29/a-fool-and-his-content-are-soon-parted

http://blog.forgreatjustice.net/articles/2005/08/29/blog-is-not-email

...in case you're interested. As I say in the second one, seriously reconsider whether what you're really wanting is one-way emails. Retro-styling!

FWIW, I'm subscribed to your LJ as I find you an interested person and intellectual, aside from all that game business. You played Polaris with me, but you also crashed on my couch, y'know? Some people use their LJs (or at least public posts therein) to broadcast that sort of thing. (See also: JWZ, although he's an extreme case.)

[silvergoose.livejournal.com]

If you've ever read Schlock Mercenary, a webcomic...the author has a livejournal devoted to the webcomic and discussions therein, and has a separate livejournal for his personal life. Both are, as far as I know, completely open.

So at least some celebrities (which you are one of, now, right?) make that work.

Four words.

[redcrosse.livejournal.com]

Silence, cunning, and exile.

Worked for James Joyce.